Mental Health

Mental Health is a struggle & life I would never wish on anyone. It is truly the most hardest & difficult thing to ever go through. When I realized I had Mental Illness, I felt so defeated & broken & alone & so much more. Because no one understood anything about it or wanted to learn or listen to anything about it. I guess you can say I kinda taught myself. I mean the Therapist I had at the time didn't understand or get anything. She was fresh out of College. She did everything all wrong & some things she could have been sued for. But she "acted" like she knew what she was doing. I was 17 when I had my first Therapist. An she awful & just all kinds of wrong. I didn't go to her very long at all. I only went to her, because the person who has pretended to be something they aren't & never were ; was under their insurance from there work. I couldn't afford to go to one on my own like now. Then when I could find one on my own, they weren't any better. They either didn't care or listen or understand anything. They always tried to push Anti Depressants on me, they were very prescription happy as I call them. Those who push prescription drugs you don't really need on you. They never offered any other alternatives not even when I asked. It was always prescription drugs. So I stop going to them for a long time. When I thought maybe I found a good one, nope he was creepy & I felt so uncomfortable around him. This started after I told him about my being raped at 5 years old & again at 16 . So I stopped going to him immediately after he got creepy & all. Then after that, I never saw another one again. I didn't trust them anymore & I didn't feel heard or believed or nothing. Finally just a few years ago, I found one that understands me & cares & listens & doesn't push prescription drugs on me and offers other alternatives if I want. & doesn't share what I tell her with anyone else. Like the others did to me. Which is illegal. Anyway, I was diagnosed with Severe Depression & Anxiety & PTSD. Which I have found other alternatives that work for me & I don't need prescription drugs. I mean if they work for you, that is great. Nothing wrong with that at all. You do what works for you. For me, they don't work. Anyway, I have been Struggling so much everyday with my Mental Health. Because I am going through so much stress and anxiety & Verbal & Mental & Emotional Abuse & suicidal Thoughts everyday. Because of all that I'm dealing with. It very hard to get through the day everyday but I have been turning to God more than ever before & talking with people I trust & who I'm very close too. Outside of Arizona. I have no one here in Arizona at all, to turn to or nothing. Which makes things so much harder to deal with but I keep fighting through & pushing through for myself & those who truly truly give a damn about me.