The Next Chapter

I am truly ready to move forward & out of Arizona already. I have most of my stuff packed up & ready to go. I have for a while now. But unfortunately I haven't left yet, but then I wonder if I ever will at all. An if I should just unpack everything. Maybe this is my depression talking or maybe not. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I just feel so stuck & struggling so very bad. Because of all the Verbal & Emotional & Mental abuse I deal with daily while still here in Arizona. Even though I don't live with Linda, the person that lied to me my whole life & portrayed herself as something she never was ever. Does this to me. I am beyond done with it all & enough is enough. I know I probably sound like a broken record, not my intentions at all. But I'm just done already. I know I'm not expected to be Strong all the time but for years growing up I always felt like I was expected to be just that & the understanding one & more. All these expectations for what so I can be gaselined & your punching bag & your "easy" target my whole life? Meaning someone you can just run all over & try to manipulate & abuse & more everyday. Because this how I feel, I'm tired of being expected to continue be treated this way & live this way. My Mental Health feels like it's just worse and then next will be my health. I struggle everyday with my Mental health issues & it's just hard & overwhelming. I feel so lost & like a second class citizen that's how I feel I'm being treated here in Arizona. Now I have dealt with Discrimination & Racism & all my whole life because I'm mixed race. It is truly the most degrading feeling & disheartening & painful & awful experience ever. Anyone who has dealt with this will tell you it feels like your identity is being stolen from you and like your worthless & all. But to feel like your being treated like a second class citizen is just indescribable. Because you really don't know what to feel other than num & all. I am pretty much fighting & pushing through for my life. With the help of my Real & True Family. If not for them I would not still be here meaning alive. They are keeping going & all. I love you so very much with everything in me. I apologize for some of my blogs sounding depressing & all. I love to write & I express myself very well through writing. But am working hard at expressing myself verbally better. As I never really been good at, because I wasn't allowed to & I had no friends to talk to growing up. True ones anyway. I have had plenty of fake ones though. Anyway, that's whole other blog in it's self. Right now, in this one I'm talking about Mental health & Discrimination & the effects of it all. Well how it's affected me anyway. God bless & take care and God only made one you, & you can't be you no one else will. 💪🏾💪🏾🫂🫂🙏🏾👼🏾✝️☮️🕊🕊🕊🦋💕💕💕