THE STRUGGLES ARE REAL

Right now, I can't really express how truly, truly unsure, defeated, lost, drained & tired just tired I feel from ALL these fake negative people in here in Arizona. I am still Fighting & won't stop Fighting & Pushing as hard as I can to get through. But it's still so hard. I really wish I had 3 wishes or just 1. But that's not real life. It's 5:45 pm on a Sunday here & I just woke up. Severe Depression or any type of Depression will do that to you. I was suppose to go Grocery Shopping today but I didn't feel like it & I need too. I'm going to tomorrow. Not looking forward to it because of who I'm going with, I don't really have choice because I don't drive or anything. Anyway, if could run away I would, I really would out of Arizona. I could do other things to leave but I won't do that to the people who really love & care for me. I truly wish their wasn't so many blocks here & their. At least that's what it feels like. To get me were I should be & want to be. I know God is good & that he loves me, at least I realize that more now. Yes I lost hope & all for a long time. Because of ALL the Abuse & More I have been through growing up & all. I really believed he hated me & all. As I believed others hated me. My True Family & so many others who came in & out of my life, I got a lot of that back my Hope & Strength. Which is why I'm still around today. Each & everyone of them saved my life in their own way. Whether they knew it or not. I can't Thank them all enough for it. All I can do really is continue to fight to live as I am. It's definitely hard with Severe Depression & Anxiety & PTSD and all. It's a struggle everyday especially when your still living in the environment were it began. Do I know I can Survive this? Yes I do in my heart, I mean I Survived so much worse growing up, not sure how but I did. One thing I can say is I never ever allowed anyone to change my Big heart or Morals or Values or who I am. 

Healing is truly a long process & not one to be rushed & you really do see yourself more deeply. I am learning to love myself more, shocking I know. Because it's something I never really thought I could do. Honestly, because of how much I was put down & told how ugly, fat, disgusting, irrating, annoying, disgrace, stupid, unloved, that no one cared about me& ever would & that I was never meant to have friends & more. Hearing all this everyday of your life was hard & I still get told some of this stuff. It's very very hard to just ignore. I do try not to let it get to me as well as I can. But it's far from easy. But with my continued Therapy & Love & Support & all from my True Family & True friends. I will continue to fight & push through. An of course God's Help. I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU SO MUCH That have stuck with me through so much & never gave up on me. An always have Encouraged me to keep my Faith & Belief that had. 🙏🏾🙏🏾👼🏾👼🏾🦋✝️☮️🕯🕯🕯🕯🫂🫂🫂💕💕💕🕊🕊🕊❤🍀🥰🥰😘😘