The End Of 2013 !

Happy New Year! 

Finally, The Year is coming to an End. 2013, has been a UP and DOWN kinda year for me. It did not start off well at all, to say the least. But through out the year, I have met some really Amazing, and Honorable, and very Inspirational True Friends. That I am TRULY Honored and Blessed to know and Hope to One Day met in person Especially Mr. Dan Gheesling, This may sound silly to some people, but I don't care. He has Changed my Life so much without knowing it, to become a better person and sister and daughter. I will FOREVER be Grateful to him for that. God knows we need more Inspirational and Down to Earth People like him. That Enjoy helping others around him and Encouraging them to Better themselves. He is Actually the second person in my life that has done that for me, Encouraged and Motivated me and Had my back if needed to do Better for me. I will NEVER forget it. :) God Bless him and ALL the True friends in my life for Always standing by me and putting up with me and my rants and complaining about my younger brother and family issues. LOL! I know it was not easy to do, and I am sure annoying as all hell. But I am so Thankful and Grateful for Everything You ALL have done for me. :) I truly Hope and Pray You ALL have the BEST and most Wonderful New Year and Days to come. I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart. :) Love You ALL and wish You ALL nothing but the Best! :)

 

My Thoughts After Reading this Book

Clean Your Own Mirror by Dan Gheesling 

My Thoughts are I had a HUGE Light Bulb Moment, I am sure your thinking from a Book? Yes, I have had a few moments like this in my life. One being from a Camp in Prescott AZ that I attended and Another from a Former Teacher I had and last from the passing of my first Nephew who was born premature and only lived ten days.During my Sophmore and Senior year of High School, I attended a School Called Metro Tech Vocational Institute of Phoenix, which is now a Four High School. They during the month of October took a select few of students to attend a Camp in Prescott AZ for a week, most of thought alright! a week off. But little did we know that a week would change ALL of our lives forever and create a bound within all of us that can Never be taken away. We went there to learn about Multicultural Diversity, we not only learned more about it, we learned more about ourselves and each other. It was the Best most life changing experience ever! :) The other was a former Teacher name Mrs. Dr. Susan Carlile she was Truly an Amazing person. Free Spirited and enjoyed life to the fullest and lives life one day at a time. :) She is married now and has a baby and lives in Germany. She was there for me through some really hard times in my life and a true life saver. She thought me so much about speaking up and speaking infront people and taking charge of my life. To not let anyone or anything bring me down or take me down. The last being my Nephew he thought me about Never giving up granted he only lived ten days but he fought so hard and changed my life as well as my families. he was a True Miracle for sure. <3 :)  Finally, This Book it has brought everything prospective for me and has giving me the strength and power from within to Take charge of my life again and live for me and to Always stay strong and continue to have a big caring heart and continue to help those around me. :) I know change doesn't happen over night but this is for sure a start. :) This Book is a MUST have and Inspiration. :)  

To order your copy go to  www.dangheesling.com/mirror 

That Unexpected Visit..

That Unexpected Visit..

I had a GREAT unexpected visit yesterday, for my Dear Friend Maryann, she is 67 years old. I meet her in Diabetes Class, That I had to take five years ago. She is truly a very sweet and kind hearted lady and would give you the shirt off her back and more. (like me.) she came over yesterday morning to bring me Groceries. I had not talked to her in a while actually months, and she surprised me. Actually we needed some stuff, so it was a Blessing for sure. :) I was so happy and very grateful for sure and can't Thank her enough for that. With everything that has been going on lately it made my day/week. It is a GREAT HONOR and BLESSING to know her and have her apart of my life. :) 

The Holidays

The Holidays

As the Thanksgiving and Christmas approach, I Think Thank God, a New Year is around the corner because this one has to say the least been really rough. Yeah there were some good things but really more bad. I mean it for sure did not start off well at all. Anyway, as I mentioned in a passed Blog that I suffer from Severe Depression, an Every year Christmas would come around I couldn't wait for it to be over. Because of what happened to me also explained in a past Blog. This year, is hard also but not as bad as years before. It is still hard for me, to just enjoy Christmas anymore. But I have really come a LONG way, and I am a LOT better than before. Still have those rough days, even everyday is a struggle because with all That I have been dealing with. 

I also want to say THANK YOU AGAIN to ALL My Dear Friends and Family who Have Helped me with so much and been here for me through ALL of this. <3 Love You ALL!! You ALL are like My Second Family and Mean Everything to me, and I am so HONORED and BLESSED to have you apart of my life :) with this all being said I Wish You All a Very Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas! :)

 

Just Have to Say..

Just Have To Say..

I am writing this to say Thinks are SLOWLY turning around for me and my family. My Younger Brother is Finally going back to my mom's house to stop living on the streets and with friends. Now, he just needs to start cleaning up meaning get off the drugs again and stay away from those that do. He has a new girlfriend now, she is nice, but he really needs to get himself straight first, I don't know that's just my opinion I guess whatever makes him happy and works for him I guess. Now, he just needs to find a job and go from there, I know it won't happen overnight but a start is good. :) 

His Ex and My EX Sister in law is FINALLY, getting therapy for herself and working on herself which is good, and I am happy for her. It's a start hope and wish her well. Now me, I am working on myself like learning to speak my mind more not getting rude just saying what I am feeling and how in a respectful way and being more detail in speaking. An not think that some people can understand me. Also, I am putting my foot down more with brothers by telling them No and mean it. Better late than never I guess, actually should have done this soon but you live and learn.Thank you! :)

 

What Do You Do?

What Do You Do?

What Do You Do, when someone you have such a HIGH Respect For and Truly believed in, and Stuck Up for when Others knocked them down and said things that are not repeatable, and believed was truly caring and had a big heart, Hurts you Emtionally? 

That's what I am asking myself now, I am not looking for pity or sorrow, just help in understanding how they can be this way, with you when they never met you and don't really know you. I know your probably thinking this sounds creepy or something, but that's not at all what this is, a LOT of people feel this way about this person and many people out there feel this way about some celebrities meaning Having such a High respect for and believing in and things like that. 

Long Story Short, a few nights ago, this person said somethings that were just uncalled for, and all I wanted was an apology, and they were too good or stubborn not sure which to say I am Sorry.which is why

I post this pic here( The one above) cause it says how I have been feeling since this happened shocked, hurt very hurt, and upset. I am not sure if this person really cares how I feel I don't know, but now they know how I feel. 

If you have any suggestions please feel free comment below. :) I would love to here what you would do in this situation. :) 

My Young Brother's Life

My Young Brother's Life

Fermin and Xavier! :)

Fermin Jerry Melendez was born on Nov.18th, First let me just say I am writing this, to explain what he has gone through growing up and up until now. He is not looking for Pity or Anything just understanding and an ear to listen. yeah he didn't grow up the same way we did meaning as me and Sergio and Gabriel because it was different for us especially the time periods. But anyway, Fermin was a happy baby and always had a good spirit about him. He has a good heart and unfortunately a bit of a taker and other things. But that is neither here nor there. He has not had the greatest friends like most of us, and he got into drugs and drinking fairly young, yeah I know not good. But my brother's weren't much of brother's to him, and I tried to be there for him as much as I could at times but I to had my own problems I was going through at the time and still am. But anyway, at 3 years old his father who he never meet was killed by Mexican Mafia yeah he was a member unfortunately and then his dad's side of the family disowned him. which was very heart breaking, my mom did the best she could. Fermin has seen shit no one should ever see or go through An for sure Never wants his kids going through. He would have three boys but his first son Junior aka Fermin Jerry Melendez Jr. only lived 10 days he was born March 6, 2007. He was born premature. That was the hardest thing ever to go through for my family and I. Even now its still hard at times. But he is God's Hands now and with the Angels. Would thing this would have drove them apart him and my ex sister in law but no, he had made them stronger for a while but then a few years down the road things got bad. He got into Drugs and Alcohol really bad and was not treating her right either. But they both stayed together and had two more kids. Xavier and Marcus, Xavier he has Autism he is so very smart and full of life and just loves his daddy and loves School and Marcus he loves his daddy too and is also very smart. Basically, the whole point of this was to explain some of what he has gone throw and a little about why he is the way he is at times not making excuses for his actions at all, but just wanted you to get a better understanding of him. Recently found out this past week that he was hit by car set up by his baby mama her boyfriend at the time did it. He is doing better Phyiscally anyway, Thank you all for your Prayers and well wishes out there. :) <3 <3

Marcus! :)

Fermin My younger Brother

For You My Online friends and Family. :)

For You My Online Friends and Family :)

I just want to take this time to say THANK YOU ALL!! So much for ALL your Advice and Prayers to me and my family. You Truly have no Idea how much that means to me, God Bless You all, and I wish you all the best for the New Year to come. :) This Song is For You :

Because You All are True Angels to me, you all have helped me over come so much in my life this past year alone, and I will forever be Grateful and Appreciate ALL of You. :) <3 <3 

A Stressful Year!

A Stressful Year 2013..

I have had such a crazy year, I mean were to being. December 2011 was good and bad, I Finally moved out on my own which was GREAT! and Then right before Christmas was bad, My brother Sergio who lives with me got a call from his ex's mother saying she kicked out his daughters and ex out of her house an had no idea were they were. Then My Younger Brother DRAMA, DRAMA!! just one thing after another.. from Fighting with his Baby Mama to jail to just recent getting hit by her boyfriend's car that she set up. He is by the way okay, just in a LOT of pain Physically and Emotionally. But he is hanging in there. 

I myself going through my own problems worrying about food and stuff. But I am doing better now, after getting help from my mother. Thank God, I appreciate All the help I have gotten from her. I know she has her own, struggles and all.

 So I am so ready for a New Year and a Better one at that. :) The Good Parts to this year, yes there are Up's I have meet the Best People ever, and I have a New Pic of my Nieces and Nephews.. 

Avie(Left) and Ella(Right).

Marcus is Superman and Xavier is Batman :) Halloween Pic!

That Song is for My Nieces and Nephews <3 <3 them! 

This one is for my mom :

God Bless Her! :)
Thank You All for Checking out my posts Appreciate it. :) <3

My Inspirations.

 My Inspirations.. :)

I have a had a pretty hard life growing up, and it was not easy at all. Especially growing up in a bad area all my life. I grow up in Phoenix, AZ yes its a big city, but just like every city or town it has it faults and bad people. I mean lets face it no place or town, or city or Country at that, is prefect or the greatest ever. I mean lets be real here you know?  Anyway, Yes I could've gone the bad route, now I am not saying by any means am I the greatest Daughter. God knows, I have made a lot mistakes in my life, that I am not proud of at all. But I do know that it's apart growing up for sure. You live and learn everyday no matter how old you are. I could have been a Drug Attack, or a Dealer, or Alcoholic, or worse, but I can Honestly say I  Never been any of that. I am for one very Grateful for that, for sure. I was raised better than that. No, my mom was not prefect by any means, but she did the best she could by herself, raising 4 kids on her own. (Three boys and a me.) She worked full time and went to School for her Accounting Degree full time and damn near lost her house that she owns now, twice. But by the grace of God she did it and managed for sure. With no help from two dead beat drunk and abusive soul called fathers. but that's another story. anyway,Even with all that me and my family has gone through we all have Survived and have Inspired each other to keep going. For my mother it was us kids that kept her going. Now, it's her grandchildren, Two grandsons and Two Granddaughters (twins). The twins are my brother Sergio's daughters,and the boys are my brother Fermin's the younger brother. (In pic below is Sergio and Amy the mom and there daughters.) they are not together anymore. Anyway, My Nieces and Nephews Inspire me so much, to keep going and move forward in life. 

I Suffer from Severe Depression, PTSD bad, Type 2 Diabetes, and more. My Mother has also Inspired me to have that drive and determination like her and to never give up. But the true Inspiration for me and I am not just saying this because I Support him very much and all. I have Never meet him in person yet. But he has helped in very big ways, without knowing it, he has helped to have more confidence and be stronger and to not be afraid to speak up about what I believe in, or am really passionate about. The person I speak of is Dan Gheesling From CBS's Big Brother he won Season 10 and should have won Season 14 in my opinion of course ;) He is a Motivational Speaker, Author, and Video Game Gamer. I also have meet some really Amazing Friends True friends(on Twitch) I have Never had before, help me through some really tough times as well. I love them All!! :) 

Dan Gheesling

So Yes these are my Inspirations in my life. <3

P.S. Check out Dan's Blog and Youtube Videos and Twitch Tv Channel. :)

www.dangheesling.com/blog

www.youtube.com/dangheesling

www.twitch.tv/dangheesling

This is my younger brother with one of
his sons Xavier he has Autsim. he is 6 now.

Sergio and Amy and Avie and Ella twins:)

Why I Watch People Play Video Games on YouTube?

Why I Watch People Play Video Games on Youtube?

I watch people play Video Games on Youtube because I well it takes me back to when I would sit next to my brothers and watch them play very intently and be excited when they would win and accomplish something. They wanted to tell the World!! :) Which is why I watch even though I may not be much of Big Time Gamer, I still enjoy watching and Learning New things Everyday! I mean we watch TV and Movies, and Non-Gaming Videos All the time on the Internet. 
So if that makes me "Weird" or "Strange" then I guess I am. 
But Personally, I don't care what others think of me. I used to my Whole life and not anymore. But this isn't about my life. 
Now, The reasons people play Video Games is a way of relaxing or just releasing frustration, or because its what the love and enjoy doing or maybe there job. Like my Older Brother he has a Degree in Game Designing a Bachelors Degree, and this is his job and he loves it and enjoys it very much. Playing Video Games and Designing them. So yes, there are reasons for Everything, and you may not understand them but it is what it is! :)

 LOVE THIS GAME!!! <3 <3 why because to me its Entertaining! :)

My Crazy Life!

                                      My Crazy Life! 

I am 34 year old woman, I have three brothers and I am the only Girl. I have four Step Sisters and One Step Brother I never Met. They are all older than I am. I Have had a really rough life and lots of struggles. I have overcome so growing up. I was a very shy and not very talkative young girl. I was bullied and terrorized in School. (Grammar School and a little in High School). Then I would come home an get again at home from my brothers and sometimes my mother. She would verbally abuse me and she did some Physical also. I can say I don't completely blame her for her actions Not at All making excuses for her, but she too had a rough up bringing and Survived two horrible marriages from two Alcoholics that Beat her as well.  Plus, two parents that really weren't there for her like they should have been. But thats all whole other story with that. I am writing this at 5:16 am AZ time. because I really am just tired of being pushed around and run over by people and family who can't seem to be up front with me. This is just a small story about me, I am sharing this with you because I wanted tell you a little about me. Now, I consider my self a True Survivor because I have done just that, and more. I was also Rapped by own Father and Seven Uncles at the age of Five on Christmas eve. I didn't tell anyone until I was 16. I am telling you this because I have become much stronger and more outspoken and like I said before a True Survivor. With all this being said, I just wanted people to know that you are not alone out there and that you can get help. I do realize this is very personal, but I wanted to share this to allow you to get to know me a little.  

 yes, this is me! I know probably not what you expected but who cares I am who I am and I am me! :) 

My Week

                   My Week 


It has been a Crazy one! to say the least! lol :) I am just glad its over, and that I can rest and relax and chill now. YAY!!! :D 

JUST CHILLIN AND RELAXING!!! :)

An Awkward Day!

Today has been an Awkward Day, why because My brother Sergio who lives with me, Finally got a call from his Girls Mother, who lives in Texas now. she lived in Albuquerque, NM. Anyway, She tells him she lives there with her dad now, cause that were her dad lives. I am not sure why, But I think I am but not sure. Sergio finally got to talk his Daughters, an I felt so bad for him because they asked who is this? he said your dad, and they said no, your not my dad, he is at work. which they are talking about her new boyfriend Matt. Not cool! But I understand why they did it, cause he hasn't been around in a while, and this guy has.  The reason Sergio hasn't been there in a while, is because he had to move back to AZ here, cause he got Evicted from his Apartment Complex over in Albuquerque. Because he was struggling with rent and then he lost his job and everything was starting to go down hill from there. So anyway, It just shocked him that his Girls would say that, but to be honest it didn't me or the rest of my family because he has been there in a while. But then my heart breaks for Sergio cause that was a hard blow but also a reality check I guess too. 

His Family! :)