A Lot of Unsureness

It is really hard to describe in words just how I feel about so much going on in my life right now and my reaction to the Wade vs Roe overturn. Just so many mixed emotions & more. Then to think that my rights as a woman & LGBTQ 🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ are going to be at risk as well. If these people get their way. I can't believe all of this happening & then for stupid ass people to say " well they shouldn't have sex & blah, blah, blah" FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID ASS CUNTS!! 😡😡RAPE & INCEST IS NOT SEXUAL CONSENT!!! 😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! 🤬🤬🤬😡😡 NO ONE IS MAKING ANY EXCUSE FOR SHIT!!! Anyway damn way, I know you fucking lying!! This is a Whole Lotta, Whole Lotta. No I'm not trying to funny or anything. I'm being fucking serious! WHO THE FUCK GAVE ANYONE THE RIGHT TO TELL ME OR ANYONE WHAT THEY CAN & CAN'T DO WITH MY BODY OR THEIR BODY!!! 🤬😡😡🤬 YOU STUPID FUCKS!! SO IF I PREGNANT WHEN I WAS RAPED AT 5 YEARS OLD BY A FAKE SO CALLED FATHER AND HIS 7 BROTHERS & THEN REPEATEDLY IN MY SLEEP RAPED & RAPED AGAIN AS A TEENAGER I WOULD HAVE TO KEEP THE FETUS?? FUCK YOU, HELL NO!! 🤬🤬😡😡 BECAUSE OF OTHER PEOPLE'S RELIGIOUS BELIEFS GO TO HELL& SUCK A DICK!!! WOULD NEVER EVER HAPPEN BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF FIRST!! I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS ABOUT WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE, NOT YOUR BODY OR YOUR CHOICE!!! Anyway, enough of that for now. I am dealing so much other stuff that is really hard to explain and I really don't know how & some I can't for legal reasons. I am really sorry for not explaining more. I'm tired of being here in Arizona and dealing with people's shit and I feel like I'm stuck here for the rest of my life. Because I feel so useless and helpless and hurt & lost & more. Yeah, yeah I know, I know shut the fuck up! & "people have it worse than you" 🙄🤦🏾‍♀️" It's only temporary " or " it's not that bad" well you know what FUCK OFF!! YOU SHADY BITCH!! YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE!!! & NEVER WILL!! Okay now, God bless! & Peace be with you! 🙏🏾🙏🏾👼🏾🫂🫂💪🏾💪🏾💕💕☮️✝️🕊🕊

JUST LOST. 😔🥺

I can't really explain how I'm feeling right now. Because I really don't know what to feel. I am just Lost & full of mixed emotions. On one hand I feel hurt, lied to, betrayed & heartbroken & guilty & so stupid & naive & weak & on the other hand I feel relief, peace, shock but not surprised, I feel helpless & useless & horrible & all. Not that anyone cares because no reads this. Just like when I tweet no one cares or when I speak no one cares. So I think why am even still alive, I mean wouldn't you think the world would be better off without me in it. I mean really why am I here, because my whole life has been a complete lie & full of hurt & heartache & pain & struggle & loss & betrayal & misery & suffering & broken promises & abandonment & feeling unwanted & unlovable & more. I mean absolutely no one here in Arizona gives a shit about me. No one checks on me here or helps me if I needed it because they want to, no only if it benefits them in some way. No fights me or stands up for me here, I am alone here by myself doing everything on my own here. Like usual I'm used to it yes, but it still sucks & hurts. I am certainly not looking forward to my Birthday at all. No way, it's ruined already as usual every year like clock work. Something bad happens either before or on my Birthday. To bad nothing good happens. Anyway, who cares God bless & take care. 🙏🏾🙏🏾👼🏾👼🏾☮️✝️🕯🕯🕯🕯🕊🕊🕊🕊💔💔💔

IT'S JUST ANOTHER DAY ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

To me it has always been just another day. My Birthday yeah it's coming up on the 30th of this month. I have never ever looked forward to it. Because ever year never seems to fail. Something bad always seems to happen on the day or before. Even though I wish & pray for good & positive things. Anyway, enough of that, I'm just not doing very well at all Mentally & I definitely feel my Health getting worse because no one here in AZ cares about my Health or nothing. I have a Doctor but she don't give two shits about me at all. So now, I got to find a new one. I'm sure she won't give two shits either. They never do. I'm used to that. I have only had 2 good Doctors in my life here in AZ, but they now live in Tucson AZ. Anyway, still stuck here in this crappy ass apartment because Slumlord won't release me from Lease. Don't know why, he won't say. I am seriously tired of all this bullshit & crap people seem to think is okay to put me through & all. WELL IT'S FUCKING NOT!!!! & KARAMA & GOD WILL GET YOU!!! I PROMISE YOU THAT!!! 😡😡🤬🤬 I normally don't say shit like this but damn I'm tired of it all & I'm sick of them getting away with shit they put me through & do to me. I want 2 things for my birthday so bad & I'm not going to get either one of them unfortunately. Well not for my birthday anyway. So anyway, Enough of that, like I said it's just another day for me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯🤷🏾‍♀️ I AM ALONE HERE IN ARIZONA WITH NOBODY THAT CARES ABOUT ME OR NOTHING!! I FUCKING HATE IT!!! UGH!!! Sorry not Sorry!! It's the truth! 

I Praying & Hoping🙏🏾👼🏾🕯🕯🕯☮️✝️

I am so really really trying to stay so Strong & Fight so much. I am truly dealing with so much. Some I can't say for legal reasons. But anyway, I know I have gone through so much in my life so much abuse & more. I truly don't understand why all this happened to me & why I was put through it all. I get SOME things happen for a reason but NOT EVERYTHING. I don't believe that. Because of all I have been put through & gone through & am going through. I just I don't know I feel like a failure to so many & I am just bothering & annoying so many people with my problems & failures. I am really very sorry this was never my intentions at all ever. I feel like I'm just pushing people away by being so irritating & annoying & all. Again I am so very sorry & I'm sorry to annoy & bother you all with this blog post. I don't really know were else to turn I have no one here in Arizona who gives two fucks about me that's for sure. I feel like my Mental health is getting worse rather than better. Maybe some of this is because my BFFs Birthday is Sunday and she isn't here anymore. 😔🥺💔💔 I don't really know. I just know how I feel and I feel like no one wants here what I have to say because they skip through things I tell them & ignore it without a response. I'm sorry you may not always know what to say but saying nothing isn't better. I feel like I'm just talking to myself as usual. Because no one cares about what I have to say or nothing. I'm used to that very much, I grow up like that keeping everything to myself & all. I am so tired of telling almost everything to people they're not doing the same in return. Because it makes feel like I'm not important enough to open up too anymore. It hurts very much. 😔😔💔. I know I'm being stupid I understand. I apologize really I do. Well anyway, God bless & Peace be with you. 👼🏾👼🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾💕💕✝️☮️🕯🕯🕯🕊🕊💪🏾💪🏾🫂🫂

Embarrassed 🥺😔& Stop The Abuse

Their has been something going on for a while now. I am embarrassed by it all. Because I should have said something about it sooner, but I was too embarrassed & felt helpless really. Now I know this isn't going to change my situation right now but I am ready to get this off my chest now. The reason I didn't & don't fight back is because the person is elderly & they would accuse me of Elder Abuse. Which I would never ever do Abuse anyone in anyway. This person has been physically hitting me everytime she comes to take me to the grocery store or where ever. She doesn't make it notice able, she hits me in places were if there is a bruise, you can't see it. Sergio doesn't even know either. An because I do bruise easy because I'm a type 2 diabetic, she can easily say that. Just a few days ago, I went to the store with her because that's what she wanted to do & she was giving me the money that Sergio asked to borrow from her because she doesn't trust him, anyway, when she asked me who I was talking to on my phone mind you, I said none of your business. She then turned around & started pinching me the little ones that stink & stuff. Then she pushed my head & I hit the car window & then she pulled my hair & was calling me a Fat Pig & telling me how disgusting & ugly I am & that I'm such a disappointment & more. I was trying not cry the whole time because I know she thinks crying is weak. But I couldn't help myself & that made her more mad. To the point to where she started slapping me all over. It felt like punches. Then when she dropped me off I had to bring in my own groceries because Sergio was at a job interview & I needed help with my case of water, so she reluctantly helped & then before setting it down she pushed it into my bad leg and I almost fell. I caught myself thank God but yeah. Anyway, I am telling you all this, because one it's not right what she is doing no matter who is it no one deserves this treatment. Any & All Abuse Should be reported to someone you trust or the police & take pics & stuff. Unfortunately, I didn't take pictures & stuff because I was too embarrassed I mean I'm 42 years old & could I have physically done something yes, but again she would have screamed Elder Abuse. Anyone who is going through this you aren't alone I promise you that. That is also why I put I'm a Stupid Loser as my username on Twitter. Because that's how I feel. Anyway, Thank you for listening & all. God bless! 🙏🏾🙏🏾👼🏾👼🏾🫂🫂💪🏾💪🏾💕💕🕊🕊🕯🕯🕯☮️✝️😔🥺😢😢