A NEW BEGINNING..
I Have learned so much this week without Any Internet and Home Phone and All. I have Done a LOT of Thinking scary I know LOL! seriously though, I have thought a LOT about life and family and friends and Especially Forgiveness. yeah, I have Always thought of myself as a pretty forgving person and understanding as well. But come to find out after the brake in from my younger brother in my home I found myself taking things out on those that really care about me and being angry at such stupid stuff. I also found myself not being so forgving. yeah not good, with this time I have rethought a LOT of things and with the help of my therapy I have Learned to Forgive again and move forward in life. :) So yeah I am pretty proud of myself :) I am sure for some people out there don't believe but you know what I am not out prove or get approval from anyone so it is what it is! :) Just wanted to share this. God Bless and Take Care :) <3 (Love) :)
This is a Letter Of Gratitude :)
I Want to Take this time to Thank You All!! for All of your friendships and Advice and for just being there for me when I needed an Ear to listen or cry in of over the phone and for just being you. :) Truly Genuwine and Inspirational and True friends to me. I have learned so much and changed so much within a year, I will ALWAYS Cherish that keep those memories of hanging out in chat until late hours and just talking and talking and helping each other through some really tough times to worrying about each other and wanting to help. I am Personally Honored and Blessed to know you All and look forward to finally meeting you All at some point. :) <3 <3 I wish Each and Everyone of you All the best and All the Great Success life has to offer you All. :) I Love You All ReneGamers!! :) God Bless! ( wanted to make a video but I don't really know how so I wrote this letter :) )
A Very Bad Weekend.. :(
This Past weekend on Friday March 14th, My little brother Fermin Melendez, Broke into my Home. He Stole ALL My Diabetes Medications and Some Money, and some other things. Yes, the Material stuff can and will be replaced. Thank God! But the Trust and Respect what little I had for him Cannot be replaced. I am so hurt and have feelings of Anxiety and Confusion and Depressed right now. I am trying very hard to stay Positive with some help from Family and Dear Friends Colleen Kelly and Mindy from The Renegamer Twitch Community on Dan Gheeslings Twitch Channel. Truly The Best People Ever and Can't wait to meet in person some of them. <3 Anyway, Fermin is so deep into Drugs and homeless, and all its sad really cause his boys need him, and I feel bad for them my Nephews. He says he cares and misses them but Actions Speak Louder than Words. So yeah that was my weekend, and cried All weekend cause I was and still hurt very much. I Love you All and Take Care hope yours was better than mine..
Interesting Week
I have had a very interesting week last week, to say the least. Well the start was good with my Therapy, and All. Oh, by the way, My Therapist and Group Members are planning to buy Dan Gheeslings Book "Clean Your Own Mirror." and "Punch It In!" Yeah I am excited for them! :) Even though he does like me anymore :( oh well what can you do right? it is what it is! he didn't say that its just how I feel..Anyway, Enough about that, the rest of my week was interesting because my little brother Fermin was hanging out in my backyard, and I didn't even know he was there until he coughed, I thought it was my neighbors. I was mad cause he woke me up, and I laid into him. Sorry he could have come earlier and called. Then he had one of his drug friends here, oh no, no! hell no! I told him not to Ever do that Again. But my weekend that week was great had a good LONG conversations with my mom surprisingly yeah cause we can't have LONG conversations like that. It was very Eye Opening and Pleasant. :) She reminded me of a lot of things and I am very grateful for that. :)<3 Anyway, I hope you All have a great week and weekend to come :)
A New Start
I am going to start a whole new Positive Blog, Because I'm trying stay Positive and want spread it around. I know some of my Blogs have not been so positive, but that's because I had so much Chaos going on. But not anymore I know I will have some not so good days again but right now its about being Positive. I have Plenty of Positive People in My life now to help me. :) I want Thank You All in Advance for ALL Your Support and putting up with rants and complaining. lol I am sure it was not easy, but I am very glad you stuck with me and listened Means a Lot to me. :) I am Currently getting some Couseling again for my Severe Depression, and it is helping a lot. Yes, I have some not so good days but I Always try to look at the Positive Side of things now. With this being said I wish you all a great day and lots of good things. :) <3 Oh yeah One more thing I am going to try an do daily Blogs to keep updated and stuff. :) Okay Take care and be Safe :)
In Your Honor..
On March 6, 2007, My Nephew Fermin Jerry Melendez Junior, "Junior" for short. My Younger Brothers Name Sake, was born Prematurely he was a little fighter for sure, my family, and I were so Happy to welcome him into the world. He was so small and everything, and yes it was hard to see him with all the machines and tubes attached to him but he still fought and never let it get him down. But On March 16, 2007, the good lord took him in his arms and carried him away. For sometime and even now its still hard to believe he is gone. But Every year his Birthday and Anniversary of his passing comes around we Celebrate his short lived life. An try to help others out there who have and are struggling with the same kind of situation. In the short time he was with us, he thought me so much about family and being there for each other and never taking each other for granted no matter what and Always Apologize to each other after an Agreement or fight never go to bed anger because you just never know.<3 Love to All! and God Bless! :)
Soul Searching :)
All Last Week I did Some Serious Soul Searching, meaning I took a look back at everything that has happened this past month, an Now have a Whole New Outlook on things. An yes, I know nothing happens over night, Change happens slowly but surely. lol I am Currently going through some Counseling right now, and why am I sharing this because I want to people to be aware that Depression and Severe Depression which is what I have is very Serious and a Disease not the kind of disease you catch from someone or something or whatever no not like that. No you are not born with it an nor do you choose to be these way. A few weeks ago I wanted to end it all commit suicide, I was serious. What stopped me was a Retweet I saw just before I was going to do it, it was a video of a Sister expressing her feelings for her Brother who took his life One year ago that day. (Jan. 31st. ) I started to think about my Nieces and Nephews and Friends and Family what they would have gone through if I had done that. I guess you can say it was Aha Moment. I just cried and cried thinking about how could I even think of doing that to them you know? But I understand to that for some it's not easy and that there family and friends can only do so much for them and some times it is just not enough. For me, it took that video to open my eyes to the pain and heartache I would have caused my friends and family. Now I have such a Wonderful Support group of people well I did already but I wasn't thinking about it at the time. An I Love You All for being here for me and standing and sticking by me through this as I go on my Journey to get help through Counseling. :) I can not Honestly Thank you All enough! :) May God Bless Each An Everyone of You For All your Patiences and Support <3 :)
