Homeless & Ready to give up.. 😔🥺

I can't begin to tell you how truly hard it is for me right now. I am badly depressed & want to kill myself so bad. I don't care if you don't believe my pain & heartache, I know the truth & so does God. I am not looking for petty or your thoughts and prayers. That isn't going to get me out of my situation. I just want to tell my feelings & that's really it. I am living in a Hell with no way out or no where to go. I have very bad triggers & flashbacks of things happened to me & I have no one to talk to about it at all. I can't tell you how much longer I can live through this & take all this. Because I don't know. I have had several break downs & all. I just can't do this anymore. Of course I'm fighting as hard as I can but this is, definitely the hardest fight of my life for sure. I want to give up so very bad, but I can't because I have people out there that truly love & care for me. I can't do that to them. Because they mean world to me. I am truly trying to hold & Keep Pushing through. I can't even tell you all that I fought through my whole life, I don't know how I survived it all. I really truly don't, yeah I understand I'm a Survivor & all of course but I still I don't understand how I did it. I'm very grateful I did. I mean I had no real friends or anyone to talk to or that I was close with. So yeah I just don't understand. When I finally moved away from the Hell I grew up in, I felt somewhat relief & free. Not completely but somewhat. Now that I am were I am I feel alone & heartbroken & unwanted & unsafe & so much more. I. Felt all of this growing up as well. I hope & pray I get through all this as well and away from it forever soon. Because honestly I don't know how much more I can take & deal with anymore. God help me for sure. 🙏🏾🙏🏾👼🏾👼🏾💪🏾💪🏾✝️☮️🤞🏾🤞🏾🤞🏾💕💕🗽🫂🫂🫂😔🥺💔💔