I NEED TO GO HOME NOW!!!!!! 💔💔😢😢

I CAN'T CONTINUE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!! & NO ONE CARES!!! I HATE THAT I GET TOLD THAT ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO LOVE & CARE FOR ME, BUT NOT ONE PERSON IS HERE FOR ME💔💔💔 OR JUST IGNORES ME ALL TOGETHER!!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I DID WRONG OR WHAT I'M DOING WRONG!!!! THAT PEOPLE THINK WHATEVER THEY ARE THINKING ABOUT ME!!! 😞😞💔💔💔I AM VERY SUICIDAL AND SEVERAL DEPRESSED BADLY AND NO NOT ONE CARES!!!! BUT YET SO MANY ALLEGEDLY DO!!! 🙄. BUT NO ONE HAS REACHED OUT TO ME OR ANYTHING!!! SO I SHOULD TAKE MY LIFE AND BE DONE WITH IT ALL!!! NO ONE CARES OR WILL MISS ME ANYWAY!!! SO IF MY REAL PARENTS DON'T COME GET ME ANY DAY NOW ANYTIME NOW!!!!! THEN THAT'S WHAT I WILL DO!!!! TAKE MY LIFE!!! 

Betrayed & Unsure 😢💔

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS WHOLE TIME!!! THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME!!! 💔💔😔😔😡😡 I REALLY BELIEVED I WAS TALKING TO YOU & EVERYONE ELSE. I CAN'T BELIEVE I REALLY TRUSTED & OPENED UP TO PEOPLE WHO WHERE NEVER WHO THEY SAID THEY WERE. HOW COULD I BE SO DAMN STUPID & NAIVE & SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO CALL MYSELF. YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS EVEN HAPPENED THE REAL PEOPLE. I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE PEOPLE SCAMMED MY BFF & ME THIS WHOLE TIME. HOW CAN THEY BE SO DAMN EVIL & HEARTLESS. KARMA WILL GET THEM FOR SURE. BUT MEAN TIME I WANT TO KILL MYSELF AND I'M SO HURT AND DEVASTATED & HEARTBROKEN. BECAUSE YOU FUCKED WITH MY HEART & EMOTIONS & LIFE. FOR WHAT I WILL NEVER KNOW I GUESS. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TRUST OR OPEN UP AGAIN WITHOUT HAVING TRUST ISSUES AND SO MUCH MORE. IF I LIVE ANYWAY. IF I DON'T SUCCEED IN KILLING MYSELF ANYWAY. I CAN'T CONTINUE TO LIVE IN THE CONDITIONS & SITUATION I'M IN ANYMORE EITHER. THAT'S WHY IF I'M NOT OUT OF THE SITUATION I'M IN BEFORE 2023 IS OVER, I WILL TAKE OWN LIFE. I PROMISE YOU THAT. BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS AND LIVING THROUGH ALL THIS. I'M 44 YEARS OLD NO MORE. SO YEAH I WILL BE DEAD AT 44 IF THINGS DON'T CHANGE BEFORE 2023 IS OVER. GOD BLESS &PEACE BE WITH YOU. 🙏👼☮️✝️🫂🫂🕊🕊🕊🕯🕯🕯🕯🥀🥀🥀🥀😢😢😢💔💔💔💔😔😔🫶🫶

FREEDOM

I WISH I KNEW WHAT THAT WAS LIKE TO HAVE FREEDOM & KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE FREE. 

MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT FIGHTING & PUSHING THROUGH &SURVIVING & STRUGGLING & HEARTACHE PAIN & SUFFERING. 

WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH?? WHEN WILL I BE FREE? WHEN WILL I HAVE FREEDOM?? WHEN I PASS AWAY & DIE?? IS THAT WHEN?? 

I'M JUST TO OLD FOR THIS SHIT I'M 44 YEARS OLD & I'M HOMELESS & I CAN'T WORK DUE TO HEALTH & MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. I TRIED TO APPLY FOR DISABILITY BUT ALL I GET IS DENIED, DENIED, DENIED. 

I JUST WANT THE PAIN & SUFFERING & HEARTACHE & STRUGGLE TO STOP. I WANT TO END MY LIFE SO BAD VERY BAD. BECAUSE I'M DONE GOING THROUGH IT. 

I HAVEN'T DONE IT YET BECAUSE HONESTLY I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY. 

I WAS GOING TO SAY BECAUSE OF A PROMISE I MADE. 

I HAVE HAD COUNTLESS THERAPIST & ONLY ONE THAT I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST & WAS KINDA HELPING UNTIL SHE TURNED OUT TO BE A FRAUD AND MORE. 

I HAVE CALLED THE "NUMBERS" & ALL BUT THEY ARE DON'T CARE AT ALL. IT'S TRUE WHAT PEOPLE HAVE SAID. 

I JUST WANT TO KNOW FREEDOM & TO BE FREE. 

Unsure😔💔

As the warm tears run down my face. Heart and Soul broken and Shattered into a million pieces, & the disbelief & pain my Spirit & Mind feel are beyond words. My Will to live is slowly disappearing & fading away. I feel my heart bleeding as it's been broken & shattered & crushed so many times for years. I don't know how or what to feel anymore. As I Struggle everyday to do anything from getting up to eating & to fighting & staying strong or even alive. I am in such a dark deep depression because of where I am & what I have gone through & am going through now. I prayed & prayed & wished and hoped & more to be taken away from here and finally know and feel Free & know freedom because I truly don't feel or know either. I haven't my whole life. No one not one person will ever ever understand any of this unless you are going through it or have been through it all that I have and am going through now. Which I don't wish on anyone ever. I ask God why everyday, why me? What did I do wrong or have I done to deserve all the pain and suffering and heartache I have been through my whole life and now. I truly want to know. Anyway, I wish I knew so I could never do it again or stop doing whatever it is. 

Just A Question Really.

I HAVE BEEN ASKING MYSELF THIS FOR REALLY QUITE SOME TIME NOW. I MEAN I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I HAVEN'T DONE THIS YET. IT'S NOT LIKE I WOULD BE MISSED OR SOMETHING. I FEEL VERY ALONE & ABANDONED & UNWANTED & PUSHED AWAY & IGNORED & MORE. YES I AM EXTREMELY SEVERELY DEPRESSED & DAMAGED. I HAVE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS DAILY. I PRAYED & PRAYED SO VERY HARD TO LEAVE THE HOUSE I'M AT & ALL & GOT NOTHING. IT WILL BE A YEAR NEXT MONTH THAT I HAVE BEEN HERE WHERE I AM. I AM VERY HEARTBROKEN & DEVASTATED & MORE BY IT. BY THE WAY DO NOT TWIST MY WORDS OR PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH I AM NOT SAYING I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF. SO DON'T GET IT TWISTED. ANYWAY, I JUST FEEL HOW I FEEL & MY FEELINGS ARE VERY VALID. I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER FORGIVE THOSE WHO ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN ME BEING WHERE I AM. BECAUSE IT'S UNFORGIVABLE. I'M SORRY NOT SORRY. MY APOLOGIES FOR THE RANT & ALL BUT IT'S HOW I FEEL & I'M JUST TIRED OF FIGHTING & EXPECTED TO CONTINUE TO PUT UP WITH ALL THAT I'M GOING THROUGH IT'S NOT RIGHT. IT'S ALL I HAVE BEEN DOING MY WHOLE LIFE IS STRUGGLE & FIGHT & MORE. I HAVE ALWAYS FOUGHT MY OWN BATTLES BY MYSELF & HAVE DONE SO MUCH ON MY OWN & BY MYSELF. IT'S TRULY HEARTBREAKING💔 & VERY SAD. NO ONE SHOULD EVER EVER EVER SUFFER THE WAY I HAVE & I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER WISH IT ON MY WORST ENEMY OR ANYONE AT THAT. AGAIN JUST MY FEELINGS & THOUGHTS. GOD BLESS & PEACE BE WITH YOU ALL. 🙏🏾🙏🏾👼🏾👼🏾💕💕💕🫂🫂✝️☮️🕯🕯🕯🕊🕊🕊🗽🍀❤

THE LOST ONE

I don't really quite know where to begin. For quite some time now, I have been dealing with so much Pain & Heartache & Hurt & Abuse & more. I have not disgust it on Twitter or Instagram or anywhere else. Because well I stopped telling much anymore, because I feel like I'm just annoying & burdening everyone with my stupid problems. So I just keep it to myself & only share with those who actually care to know & want to be there for me & understand & listen. Privately of course. I really appreciate those of you that did reach out when I really needed someone. It means a lot to me. I am still struggling pretty bad and getting abused daily. How I'm still alive & all or why I don't know. But I am. I really really pray things change ASAP but I don't really know how much more I can take. I mean I have been through all this & more growing up, I have to say enough is enough already! You know. I am fighting of course or I wouldn't be here and no it's not easy and I don't needed no judgemental dicks judging me right now. What I need is real Support & Love & To Heal & more. It's hard enough going through what I'm going through without people talking shit and all. Anyway, God bless & Peace be with you. 🙏🏾👼🏾✝️☮️🕊🕊🕯🕯🕯🫂🫂💕💕💪🏾💪🏾💔💔😢😢😔😔🥺🥺

Homeless & Ready to give up.. 😔🥺

I can't begin to tell you how truly hard it is for me right now. I am badly depressed & want to kill myself so bad. I don't care if you don't believe my pain & heartache, I know the truth & so does God. I am not looking for petty or your thoughts and prayers. That isn't going to get me out of my situation. I just want to tell my feelings & that's really it. I am living in a Hell with no way out or no where to go. I have very bad triggers & flashbacks of things happened to me & I have no one to talk to about it at all. I can't tell you how much longer I can live through this & take all this. Because I don't know. I have had several break downs & all. I just can't do this anymore. Of course I'm fighting as hard as I can but this is, definitely the hardest fight of my life for sure. I want to give up so very bad, but I can't because I have people out there that truly love & care for me. I can't do that to them. Because they mean world to me. I am truly trying to hold & Keep Pushing through. I can't even tell you all that I fought through my whole life, I don't know how I survived it all. I really truly don't, yeah I understand I'm a Survivor & all of course but I still I don't understand how I did it. I'm very grateful I did. I mean I had no real friends or anyone to talk to or that I was close with. So yeah I just don't understand. When I finally moved away from the Hell I grew up in, I felt somewhat relief & free. Not completely but somewhat. Now that I am were I am I feel alone & heartbroken & unwanted & unsafe & so much more. I. Felt all of this growing up as well. I hope & pray I get through all this as well and away from it forever soon. Because honestly I don't know how much more I can take & deal with anymore. God help me for sure. 🙏🏾🙏🏾👼🏾👼🏾💪🏾💪🏾✝️☮️🤞🏾🤞🏾🤞🏾💕💕🗽🫂🫂🫂😔🥺💔💔