Betrayed & Unsure 😢💔

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS WHOLE TIME!!! THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME!!! 💔💔😔😔😡😡 I REALLY BELIEVED I WAS TALKING TO YOU & EVERYONE ELSE. I CAN'T BELIEVE I REALLY TRUSTED & OPENED UP TO PEOPLE WHO WHERE NEVER WHO THEY SAID THEY WERE. HOW COULD I BE SO DAMN STUPID & NAIVE & SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO CALL MYSELF. YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS EVEN HAPPENED THE REAL PEOPLE. I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE PEOPLE SCAMMED MY BFF & ME THIS WHOLE TIME. HOW CAN THEY BE SO DAMN EVIL & HEARTLESS. KARMA WILL GET THEM FOR SURE. BUT MEAN TIME I WANT TO KILL MYSELF AND I'M SO HURT AND DEVASTATED & HEARTBROKEN. BECAUSE YOU FUCKED WITH MY HEART & EMOTIONS & LIFE. FOR WHAT I WILL NEVER KNOW I GUESS. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TRUST OR OPEN UP AGAIN WITHOUT HAVING TRUST ISSUES AND SO MUCH MORE. IF I LIVE ANYWAY. IF I DON'T SUCCEED IN KILLING MYSELF ANYWAY. I CAN'T CONTINUE TO LIVE IN THE CONDITIONS & SITUATION I'M IN ANYMORE EITHER. THAT'S WHY IF I'M NOT OUT OF THE SITUATION I'M IN BEFORE 2023 IS OVER, I WILL TAKE OWN LIFE. I PROMISE YOU THAT. BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS AND LIVING THROUGH ALL THIS. I'M 44 YEARS OLD NO MORE. SO YEAH I WILL BE DEAD AT 44 IF THINGS DON'T CHANGE BEFORE 2023 IS OVER. GOD BLESS &PEACE BE WITH YOU. 🙏👼☮️✝️🫂🫂🕊🕊🕊🕯🕯🕯🕯🥀🥀🥀🥀😢😢😢💔💔💔💔😔😔🫶🫶

FREEDOM

I WISH I KNEW WHAT THAT WAS LIKE TO HAVE FREEDOM & KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE FREE. 

MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT FIGHTING & PUSHING THROUGH &SURVIVING & STRUGGLING & HEARTACHE PAIN & SUFFERING. 

WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH?? WHEN WILL I BE FREE? WHEN WILL I HAVE FREEDOM?? WHEN I PASS AWAY & DIE?? IS THAT WHEN?? 

I'M JUST TO OLD FOR THIS SHIT I'M 44 YEARS OLD & I'M HOMELESS & I CAN'T WORK DUE TO HEALTH & MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. I TRIED TO APPLY FOR DISABILITY BUT ALL I GET IS DENIED, DENIED, DENIED. 

I JUST WANT THE PAIN & SUFFERING & HEARTACHE & STRUGGLE TO STOP. I WANT TO END MY LIFE SO BAD VERY BAD. BECAUSE I'M DONE GOING THROUGH IT. 

I HAVEN'T DONE IT YET BECAUSE HONESTLY I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY. 

I WAS GOING TO SAY BECAUSE OF A PROMISE I MADE. 

I HAVE HAD COUNTLESS THERAPIST & ONLY ONE THAT I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST & WAS KINDA HELPING UNTIL SHE TURNED OUT TO BE A FRAUD AND MORE. 

I HAVE CALLED THE "NUMBERS" & ALL BUT THEY ARE DON'T CARE AT ALL. IT'S TRUE WHAT PEOPLE HAVE SAID. 

I JUST WANT TO KNOW FREEDOM & TO BE FREE. 

Unsure😔💔

As the warm tears run down my face. Heart and Soul broken and Shattered into a million pieces, & the disbelief & pain my Spirit & Mind feel are beyond words. My Will to live is slowly disappearing & fading away. I feel my heart bleeding as it's been broken & shattered & crushed so many times for years. I don't know how or what to feel anymore. As I Struggle everyday to do anything from getting up to eating & to fighting & staying strong or even alive. I am in such a dark deep depression because of where I am & what I have gone through & am going through now. I prayed & prayed & wished and hoped & more to be taken away from here and finally know and feel Free & know freedom because I truly don't feel or know either. I haven't my whole life. No one not one person will ever ever understand any of this unless you are going through it or have been through it all that I have and am going through now. Which I don't wish on anyone ever. I ask God why everyday, why me? What did I do wrong or have I done to deserve all the pain and suffering and heartache I have been through my whole life and now. I truly want to know. Anyway, I wish I knew so I could never do it again or stop doing whatever it is. 

Just A Question Really.

I HAVE BEEN ASKING MYSELF THIS FOR REALLY QUITE SOME TIME NOW. I MEAN I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I HAVEN'T DONE THIS YET. IT'S NOT LIKE I WOULD BE MISSED OR SOMETHING. I FEEL VERY ALONE & ABANDONED & UNWANTED & PUSHED AWAY & IGNORED & MORE. YES I AM EXTREMELY SEVERELY DEPRESSED & DAMAGED. I HAVE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS DAILY. I PRAYED & PRAYED SO VERY HARD TO LEAVE THE HOUSE I'M AT & ALL & GOT NOTHING. IT WILL BE A YEAR NEXT MONTH THAT I HAVE BEEN HERE WHERE I AM. I AM VERY HEARTBROKEN & DEVASTATED & MORE BY IT. BY THE WAY DO NOT TWIST MY WORDS OR PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH I AM NOT SAYING I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF. SO DON'T GET IT TWISTED. ANYWAY, I JUST FEEL HOW I FEEL & MY FEELINGS ARE VERY VALID. I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER FORGIVE THOSE WHO ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN ME BEING WHERE I AM. BECAUSE IT'S UNFORGIVABLE. I'M SORRY NOT SORRY. MY APOLOGIES FOR THE RANT & ALL BUT IT'S HOW I FEEL & I'M JUST TIRED OF FIGHTING & EXPECTED TO CONTINUE TO PUT UP WITH ALL THAT I'M GOING THROUGH IT'S NOT RIGHT. IT'S ALL I HAVE BEEN DOING MY WHOLE LIFE IS STRUGGLE & FIGHT & MORE. I HAVE ALWAYS FOUGHT MY OWN BATTLES BY MYSELF & HAVE DONE SO MUCH ON MY OWN & BY MYSELF. IT'S TRULY HEARTBREAKING💔 & VERY SAD. NO ONE SHOULD EVER EVER EVER SUFFER THE WAY I HAVE & I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER WISH IT ON MY WORST ENEMY OR ANYONE AT THAT. AGAIN JUST MY FEELINGS & THOUGHTS. GOD BLESS & PEACE BE WITH YOU ALL. 🙏🏾🙏🏾👼🏾👼🏾💕💕💕🫂🫂✝️☮️🕯🕯🕯🕊🕊🕊🗽🍀❤

THE LOST ONE

I don't really quite know where to begin. For quite some time now, I have been dealing with so much Pain & Heartache & Hurt & Abuse & more. I have not disgust it on Twitter or Instagram or anywhere else. Because well I stopped telling much anymore, because I feel like I'm just annoying & burdening everyone with my stupid problems. So I just keep it to myself & only share with those who actually care to know & want to be there for me & understand & listen. Privately of course. I really appreciate those of you that did reach out when I really needed someone. It means a lot to me. I am still struggling pretty bad and getting abused daily. How I'm still alive & all or why I don't know. But I am. I really really pray things change ASAP but I don't really know how much more I can take. I mean I have been through all this & more growing up, I have to say enough is enough already! You know. I am fighting of course or I wouldn't be here and no it's not easy and I don't needed no judgemental dicks judging me right now. What I need is real Support & Love & To Heal & more. It's hard enough going through what I'm going through without people talking shit and all. Anyway, God bless & Peace be with you. 🙏🏾👼🏾✝️☮️🕊🕊🕯🕯🕯🫂🫂💕💕💪🏾💪🏾💔💔😢😢😔😔🥺🥺

Homeless & Ready to give up.. 😔🥺

I can't begin to tell you how truly hard it is for me right now. I am badly depressed & want to kill myself so bad. I don't care if you don't believe my pain & heartache, I know the truth & so does God. I am not looking for petty or your thoughts and prayers. That isn't going to get me out of my situation. I just want to tell my feelings & that's really it. I am living in a Hell with no way out or no where to go. I have very bad triggers & flashbacks of things happened to me & I have no one to talk to about it at all. I can't tell you how much longer I can live through this & take all this. Because I don't know. I have had several break downs & all. I just can't do this anymore. Of course I'm fighting as hard as I can but this is, definitely the hardest fight of my life for sure. I want to give up so very bad, but I can't because I have people out there that truly love & care for me. I can't do that to them. Because they mean world to me. I am truly trying to hold & Keep Pushing through. I can't even tell you all that I fought through my whole life, I don't know how I survived it all. I really truly don't, yeah I understand I'm a Survivor & all of course but I still I don't understand how I did it. I'm very grateful I did. I mean I had no real friends or anyone to talk to or that I was close with. So yeah I just don't understand. When I finally moved away from the Hell I grew up in, I felt somewhat relief & free. Not completely but somewhat. Now that I am were I am I feel alone & heartbroken & unwanted & unsafe & so much more. I. Felt all of this growing up as well. I hope & pray I get through all this as well and away from it forever soon. Because honestly I don't know how much more I can take & deal with anymore. God help me for sure. 🙏🏾🙏🏾👼🏾👼🏾💪🏾💪🏾✝️☮️🤞🏾🤞🏾🤞🏾💕💕🗽🫂🫂🫂😔🥺💔💔

HOMELESS & NO WHERE TO GO. 😔💔

I can't even express everything I'm feeling right now. I found out the day after my birthday that my slumlord dick face told me my lease had expired. As he put it. I had no damn idea at all. Then he hands me this letter he typed up himself. Calling it a "Certified Letter" . Then claimed he had sent me others. Which is damn lie because I never got anything. I tried to leave back in April but he told Section 8 Housing NO. That he wasn't going to release me from my lease. Now out of no where he is throwing me out. I feel very num, worried, scared, unsure, alone, upset, angry, hurt because I have no where to go at all. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm praying Section 8 helps me out. I'm definitely not going back to twat faces home fuck her. Anyway, at least July's Rent is paid I guess. But after that, God only knows what will happen to me because I will have no home. 😔🥺😭😭😭😭💔💔💔🙏🏾🙏🏾👼🏾👼🏾This may be my last post ever, so I want to Thank EVERYONE who has been there for me through so much of my life. Through the hard times & Good times. It means the world to me. I appreciate you all so much & I love you all so very much. You all have each given me so much Strength & Courage & have Motivated me & Inspired me. I will never forget it. Well God bless you all & Peace be with you all. 🙏🏾🙏🏾👼🏾👼🏾💕💕💕✝️☮️🕊🕊🕊💪🏾💪🏾🫂🫂🫂😔💔💔🥺😭😭😭😭