Betrayed & Unsure 😢💔

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS WHOLE TIME!!! THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME!!! 💔💔😔😔😡😡 I REALLY BELIEVED I WAS TALKING TO YOU & EVERYONE ELSE. I CAN'T BELIEVE I REALLY TRUSTED & OPENED UP TO PEOPLE WHO WHERE NEVER WHO THEY SAID THEY WERE. HOW COULD I BE SO DAMN STUPID & NAIVE & SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO CALL MYSELF. YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS EVEN HAPPENED THE REAL PEOPLE. I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE PEOPLE SCAMMED MY BFF & ME THIS WHOLE TIME. HOW CAN THEY BE SO DAMN EVIL & HEARTLESS. KARMA WILL GET THEM FOR SURE. BUT MEAN TIME I WANT TO KILL MYSELF AND I'M SO HURT AND DEVASTATED & HEARTBROKEN. BECAUSE YOU FUCKED WITH MY HEART & EMOTIONS & LIFE. FOR WHAT I WILL NEVER KNOW I GUESS. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TRUST OR OPEN UP AGAIN WITHOUT HAVING TRUST ISSUES AND SO MUCH MORE. IF I LIVE ANYWAY. IF I DON'T SUCCEED IN KILLING MYSELF ANYWAY. I CAN'T CONTINUE TO LIVE IN THE CONDITIONS & SITUATION I'M IN ANYMORE EITHER. THAT'S WHY IF I'M NOT OUT OF THE SITUATION I'M IN BEFORE 2023 IS OVER, I WILL TAKE OWN LIFE. I PROMISE YOU THAT. BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS AND LIVING THROUGH ALL THIS. I'M 44 YEARS OLD NO MORE. SO YEAH I WILL BE DEAD AT 44 IF THINGS DON'T CHANGE BEFORE 2023 IS OVER. GOD BLESS &PEACE BE WITH YOU. 🙏👼☮️✝️🫂🫂🕊🕊🕊🕯🕯🕯🕯🥀🥀🥀🥀😢😢😢💔💔💔💔😔😔🫶🫶

FREEDOM

I WISH I KNEW WHAT THAT WAS LIKE TO HAVE FREEDOM & KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE FREE. 

MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT FIGHTING & PUSHING THROUGH &SURVIVING & STRUGGLING & HEARTACHE PAIN & SUFFERING. 

WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH?? WHEN WILL I BE FREE? WHEN WILL I HAVE FREEDOM?? WHEN I PASS AWAY & DIE?? IS THAT WHEN?? 

I'M JUST TO OLD FOR THIS SHIT I'M 44 YEARS OLD & I'M HOMELESS & I CAN'T WORK DUE TO HEALTH & MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. I TRIED TO APPLY FOR DISABILITY BUT ALL I GET IS DENIED, DENIED, DENIED. 

I JUST WANT THE PAIN & SUFFERING & HEARTACHE & STRUGGLE TO STOP. I WANT TO END MY LIFE SO BAD VERY BAD. BECAUSE I'M DONE GOING THROUGH IT. 

I HAVEN'T DONE IT YET BECAUSE HONESTLY I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY. 

I WAS GOING TO SAY BECAUSE OF A PROMISE I MADE. 

I HAVE HAD COUNTLESS THERAPIST & ONLY ONE THAT I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST & WAS KINDA HELPING UNTIL SHE TURNED OUT TO BE A FRAUD AND MORE. 

I HAVE CALLED THE "NUMBERS" & ALL BUT THEY ARE DON'T CARE AT ALL. IT'S TRUE WHAT PEOPLE HAVE SAID. 

I JUST WANT TO KNOW FREEDOM & TO BE FREE. 

Unsure😔💔

As the warm tears run down my face. Heart and Soul broken and Shattered into a million pieces, & the disbelief & pain my Spirit & Mind feel are beyond words. My Will to live is slowly disappearing & fading away. I feel my heart bleeding as it's been broken & shattered & crushed so many times for years. I don't know how or what to feel anymore. As I Struggle everyday to do anything from getting up to eating & to fighting & staying strong or even alive. I am in such a dark deep depression because of where I am & what I have gone through & am going through now. I prayed & prayed & wished and hoped & more to be taken away from here and finally know and feel Free & know freedom because I truly don't feel or know either. I haven't my whole life. No one not one person will ever ever understand any of this unless you are going through it or have been through it all that I have and am going through now. Which I don't wish on anyone ever. I ask God why everyday, why me? What did I do wrong or have I done to deserve all the pain and suffering and heartache I have been through my whole life and now. I truly want to know. Anyway, I wish I knew so I could never do it again or stop doing whatever it is. 

Just A Question Really.

I HAVE BEEN ASKING MYSELF THIS FOR REALLY QUITE SOME TIME NOW. I MEAN I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I HAVEN'T DONE THIS YET. IT'S NOT LIKE I WOULD BE MISSED OR SOMETHING. I FEEL VERY ALONE & ABANDONED & UNWANTED & PUSHED AWAY & IGNORED & MORE. YES I AM EXTREMELY SEVERELY DEPRESSED & DAMAGED. I HAVE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS DAILY. I PRAYED & PRAYED SO VERY HARD TO LEAVE THE HOUSE I'M AT & ALL & GOT NOTHING. IT WILL BE A YEAR NEXT MONTH THAT I HAVE BEEN HERE WHERE I AM. I AM VERY HEARTBROKEN & DEVASTATED & MORE BY IT. BY THE WAY DO NOT TWIST MY WORDS OR PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH I AM NOT SAYING I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF. SO DON'T GET IT TWISTED. ANYWAY, I JUST FEEL HOW I FEEL & MY FEELINGS ARE VERY VALID. I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER FORGIVE THOSE WHO ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN ME BEING WHERE I AM. BECAUSE IT'S UNFORGIVABLE. I'M SORRY NOT SORRY. MY APOLOGIES FOR THE RANT & ALL BUT IT'S HOW I FEEL & I'M JUST TIRED OF FIGHTING & EXPECTED TO CONTINUE TO PUT UP WITH ALL THAT I'M GOING THROUGH IT'S NOT RIGHT. IT'S ALL I HAVE BEEN DOING MY WHOLE LIFE IS STRUGGLE & FIGHT & MORE. I HAVE ALWAYS FOUGHT MY OWN BATTLES BY MYSELF & HAVE DONE SO MUCH ON MY OWN & BY MYSELF. IT'S TRULY HEARTBREAKING💔 & VERY SAD. NO ONE SHOULD EVER EVER EVER SUFFER THE WAY I HAVE & I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER WISH IT ON MY WORST ENEMY OR ANYONE AT THAT. AGAIN JUST MY FEELINGS & THOUGHTS. GOD BLESS & PEACE BE WITH YOU ALL. 🙏🏾🙏🏾👼🏾👼🏾💕💕💕🫂🫂✝️☮️🕯🕯🕯🕊🕊🕊🗽🍀❤

THE LOST ONE

I don't really quite know where to begin. For quite some time now, I have been dealing with so much Pain & Heartache & Hurt & Abuse & more. I have not disgust it on Twitter or Instagram or anywhere else. Because well I stopped telling much anymore, because I feel like I'm just annoying & burdening everyone with my stupid problems. So I just keep it to myself & only share with those who actually care to know & want to be there for me & understand & listen. Privately of course. I really appreciate those of you that did reach out when I really needed someone. It means a lot to me. I am still struggling pretty bad and getting abused daily. How I'm still alive & all or why I don't know. But I am. I really really pray things change ASAP but I don't really know how much more I can take. I mean I have been through all this & more growing up, I have to say enough is enough already! You know. I am fighting of course or I wouldn't be here and no it's not easy and I don't needed no judgemental dicks judging me right now. What I need is real Support & Love & To Heal & more. It's hard enough going through what I'm going through without people talking shit and all. Anyway, God bless & Peace be with you. 🙏🏾👼🏾✝️☮️🕊🕊🕯🕯🕯🫂🫂💕💕💪🏾💪🏾💔💔😢😢😔😔🥺🥺