Unsure😔💔

As the warm tears run down my face. Heart and Soul broken and Shattered into a million pieces, & the disbelief & pain my Spirit & Mind feel are beyond words. My Will to live is slowly disappearing & fading away. I feel my heart bleeding as it's been broken & shattered & crushed so many times for years. I don't know how or what to feel anymore. As I Struggle everyday to do anything from getting up to eating & to fighting & staying strong or even alive. I am in such a dark deep depression because of where I am & what I have gone through & am going through now. I prayed & prayed & wished and hoped & more to be taken away from here and finally know and feel Free & know freedom because I truly don't feel or know either. I haven't my whole life. No one not one person will ever ever understand any of this unless you are going through it or have been through it all that I have and am going through now. Which I don't wish on anyone ever. I ask God why everyday, why me? What did I do wrong or have I done to deserve all the pain and suffering and heartache I have been through my whole life and now. I truly want to know. Anyway, I wish I knew so I could never do it again or stop doing whatever it is.